get rich and famous? To have hordes of adoring fans? To get your own television show? And bang tons of hot moms? All while looking goofy as fuck What's the one job I can have all of those things and more? Being a Psychic. I'm heading out to Central Park
to try to find my first recruits Today, I become "Ethan The Great" "Ethan The Majestic" Join me as I become a spiritual leader Hey, how you guys doing?
You want a free, uh, psychic reading? (Girl) I'm going to the bathroom and then I'll come back Alright, I predict that not to be true Want a, uh, free psychic reading? (Man) No, I appreciate it, thank you
(Ethan The Great) It's free! I am the real deal, folks You want a free psychic reading? (Man) No, thank you It's free! (Man) Hey, it's all good ooh (sighs) You guys want a free psychic reading? But it's freeee It seemed that nobody was interested in getting a free psychic reading I was having trouble gathering new disciples If I'm gonna make it as a psychic I need to be more aggressive Are you guys interested in a free psychic reading, maybe? (Man) sure Yeah? Ok! Great! Do you have a woman in your life maybe starts with a "D" D-D-Donna? D-Dana-Dina? Dina? Dona? Ughh, Diana? Diana? A 'D'? A 'D'? A 'P'? A 'W'? A 'T'? A 'S'? Is any of that strike a bell, ring a bell for you? A woman in your name-
A woman in your life? (Man) 'S' - yeah S? (Man) yeah
(Ethan) What's her name? Shirleen Yeah, that's what I was sensing-
I was sensing a Shirleen in your life (man) Yeah, were you? Um, Shirleen...
It's your mother. It's your not-
It's - (man) no, it's not it's on your on your mother's side, it's related to your mother.
It's on your mother's side How- Ok, Dude, um. How do you know her? (Man) She's a friend A friend? Ok Look, dude.
You gotta help me out Like aren't you-
This is, like, going out to, like, my fans n' shit (man) ok So, just say it like Shirleen- Shareen's your mom (man) ok, yeah Ok, sick So, anyway, like, Shirleen...
How is she related to you? (Man) my mom Good. Fuck! Dude, I knew it.
Okay, I'm on today.
Today-,
Okay, so your mom Uh Now, I'm sensing something like a ghost, a presence, a cold presence- your mom, has your mom lost somebody? Has some of your mom-,
has someone your mom known ever died? (Man) yeah Ok, good umm So... That person is saying "Hi" (man) oh.. Hi! She's with you now and you wanted me to tell you that she says "Hi" (man) oh... Tell her I said "Hi" back Are you being sarcastic? Or is that-, or- (man) no, I want her to know I am saying "Hi" Yeah, I told her So that was it Was that cool? Was that pretty impressive? So, I accept donations...
Also (man) I mean, it's almost gone Yeah, actually that'd be cool, man. Thanks That actually really goes- That weirdly goes good with my- Thank you, Dude I really appreciate it.
Pound it, dawg. Thanks, man (man) yeah Thank you, dude.
That was really thoughtful Dude, what a psych-
What a beautiful, mystical day, like What are the chances that this guy would have a Monster that matches my outfit? I mean that is just insane, guys The energies are real, they're flowing This is extreme, street psychic magic I am Ethan The Great
The Majestic Guys, if you ever doubted psychic magical was real, check me out Here!
At Central Park! [Ethan Klein Cough ] intro [Michelle Obama]
Wow, Ethan. Great Moves.
Keep it Up. Proud of you. I have always been fascinated by psychics and gurus But not because I'm interested in mysticism or magic or anything like that I just happen to find these people so interesting They are the goofiest looking people that have ever walked this earth Somehow, they all came together and said,
"Hey. You know what?" "Let's put a carpet on my head." "Let's look like I belong in Ghostbusters 5" "And guess what?
I am the ghost." "Let's look like Fabio got his knees chopped off and ate a couple too many cheeseburgers." "That's the look we're going for." "That's what attracts people to us and builds cults." "That's what mysticism is all about." So, without further ado, guys, let me enter the world with you of Gurus, Psychics and Mediums.
I'm Gary Spivey and I entertain people [crowd cheering] First and one of my favorites is Gary Spivey The literal rotting orange I mean this guy's tan is so slick it looks like he's about to go It looks like he's about to go and start a 90s boys band The reason I turned my psychic abilities into entertainment was simple because it works! Oh yeah, and did I mention that he wears a literal poodle's asshole on his head? This time it looks like it was knit from
his grandmother's pubic hairs And people still take him seriously This guy has followers.
People pay to go watch this guy give psychic readings. Oftentimes I have people come to me and they have chronic depression. I can get rid of it as about quick as I do this. There is something very special about
being a psychic and looking as goofy as possible And nobody personifies that better than the human golf ball; Gary Spivey Here's what I say to the nay-sayers that don't believe a thing about what I do Hey, I hope I entertained you Oh, you've definitely entertained us.
Thank you, Gary, you giant, human, Q-Tip. (TV medium) Who has the issue with brain?
Aneurysm, brain tumor, Alzheimer or dementia.
Who's that? Next up, is the Long Island Medium who
looks like she's from a Sopranos parody No-
who died with the brain-, the issue with the brain? 'Cause I might be piggybacking.
Somebody might have the same meaning She does this typical cold reader thing, where she'll ask a million questions to a room of 500 people and everyone who gets cried and shocked once you finally figure out that this one lady's Uncle Bob had an aneurysm 20 years ago When you sit with mom you would feel the presence of other loved ones that have departed, is that correct? The fact that this woman is given any screen time at all and even has her own show is nothing short of a national tragedy I mean, it's cool that you can speak to the dead and all but frankly I'm more impressed and scared, to be honest of that fucking hair-do Is that her wedding ring? (Man) no, it's my mother's ring Oh, it's your Mother's ring.
Oh, 'cause I heard some- -the wedding ring Does the Humane Society know that you have a rodent living on your head? But next up is by far my favorite
[ piano string music getting louder ] spiritual being known only as BRACO BRACO-OOOO.
BRACO-OOOO. Braco is a spiritual leader known for having "The Gaze of Miracles" what that means is that he literally stares at people and heals them "The Gaze of Miracles" BRIACO-OOOO. He even does this thing
called "Healing sessions over Skype" where people pay to stand in a room and watch him! Over... Skype...! The Gaze of Miracles, guys It's even dubbed a new genre of comedy for me I call this Ready-Made Comedy I literally don't need to say anything Just watch this.
Dramatic piano-string music Stare upon him and feel his energy flow It is truly one of the most confusing things I've ever seen and that brings us to our featured video today on CNN, by the way. Uh, hard-hitting news, once again Shout out to the meme theme diss-er report. This is a nice call back to that So then you put it on-
What made you sound-
I'm putting this on twitter What do you do on twitter?
What do you kids do on Twitter? This video took place on CNN! This was broadcast into people's homes I cannot stress that enough Look at the title: Is it real or whack? Let's find out now on CNN. Hard Hitting Memes So we give everybody a better understanding of really what this is It is not a quick snap of a finger Um, in the room I worked with like 10 people They were able to relax the fastest, the quickest, they're most susceptible.
Doesn't mean that people canNOT be hypnotized But obviously for the time that we had together they were able to relax very quickly I, just, am captivated by all their faces They all have such a thing going on here.
I mean, this guy
I don't know what He said he did something to them backstage I don't know if it was hypnosis or something else but they definitely-
this guy's got fucked up, dude that guy has not been the same since backstage I'll tell you that for sure. Just to let everybody know,
we were about 20 minutes in a room working This is not something I can do,
I can walk up to you on the street and do that (host) Right!
(Hypnotist) I wouldn't be here now! I wouldn't be here now! I'd be doing weird creepy shit to hot cuties on the street (host) Right!
(Hypnotist) I wouldn't be here now! I would be fucking a lot of people while they're unconscious a LOT I'm going to ask you to focus on your breathing,
and just relax and if I can -- can I shake your hand? Mhmm And Andy 3 2 1 [cluck-snap-whistle!] Relax way down,
deep, deep, and relax Oh, that? You gotta love that that's the sign of a real psychic right there A little one of those
[cluck-snap!] WOO-HOO! [Cluck-snap-whistle]
Relax, waaay down 3, 2, 1
You know it's coming Keep looking me in the eyes, but you can't fight it Can you, Michael?
You know that [cluck-snap!] WOO-OO! Is coming you ready? [Cluck-snap-whistle!] I AM REAL FUCKING PSYCHIC, DUDE! I LEARNT THIS SHIT IN PSYCHIC SCHOOL! [Cluck-snap-whistle!] Hi Jennifer, how are you? Just focus on your breathing 3, 2, and sleep! [Cluck-snap-whistle!]
Relax waaay down What the fuck?!
That can't be real! [Cluck-snap-whistle!] Sleep
[cluck-snap-whistle!] He's trying to present himself as a real professional ps- hypno-, hypno-sis and he's dropping a [cluck-snap!] WOO-HOO! It's like-, that's- that's in comic books! You're- that's not what a professional does to his fucking clients Oh, look at her face!
She doesn't want to get mm-[click]-woo-hooed! Fuck!
Here it comes [cluck-snap-whistle!]
Relax mhmhm! [Snap!], Pa-shoo-hoo! [Giggles] WHAAT? How is this real? You talked to them... Over an hour ago? Yeah An hour later this happens so quick 'Cause they want it to happen okay I can't challenge them, I can't force them, it's- You know the greatest hypnotist in the world
is ourselves What we say to ourselves, we create. Simple stuff.
Simple stuff. Simple stuff. Look, this is simple stuff. It's just a couple of 'mmm-[click]-woo-hoos' a couple of 'shibidi-dangs' a couple of "hey....
See ya outback" and all of a sudden, whaddya know?
You got a meme on CNN. Real of Whack?
You decide. When their eyes are open, I'm gonna say a couple key words every time I say the word "Atlanta" every time I say the word "Atlanta" Andy's phone is his shoe and it's gonna start to ring live on the air his phone is his shoe Jennifer think that's the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard in her entire life she cannot believe Andy's doing this here and every time I snap my fingers Jennifer will stop and try to get my attention she just wants to stop the segment she doesn't think this is funny she thinks this is a waste of time she's in control No! The fuck did you just describe, dude?! WHAT THE FUCK?! How am I supposed to follow that, let alone these fucking-, these people who are taking a snooze! "Atlanta" [cluck-snap-whistle!] Andy's phone is his shoe Sleep!
[Cluck-snap-whistle!] And every time I snap my fingers [cluck-snap-whistle!] She doesn't think this is funny [cluck-snap-whistle!] Sleep!
[Cluck-snap-whistle!] Try and get my attention his phone is his shoe his phone is his shoe
[cluck-snap-whistle-MANIA!] Relax waaay down ...2, And 3
Welcome back How are you doing? Good?
Welcome back How do you feel?
Well rested? [Andy] I do
[Hypnotist] How- How do you feel? [Jennifer] - feel... Happy! Hell yeah Can you actually put me in a sleeping state where my- I'm slouched over like someone who's about to fucking die from my heroin overdose? That's really good for my body I felt so relaxed.
Can you put me in this state again? I was so relaxed Who are these poor people, by the way,
who signed up for this? Ughh, did he just find on them on fucking Craigslist like the day before, dude? This guys is sitting there like,
'What the fuck did I get myself into? I have to pretend like my phone-,
my shoe is my phone every time he says Atlantis?" Just, I feel very relaxed right now [Hypnotist] Ah, cool cool.
[Andy] yeah Oh well, we'll get to the fun stuff in a minute We were talking-
So I am at the Punchline tonight, here in Atlanta [Hypnotist] ...My home town
[Jennifer] Hey, Ricky! RIcky! [Hypnotist] I get to actually [finger snap] experience...
[Jennifer] Ricky! [Jennifer] Ricky
[Hypnotist] [finger snap] Yes? [Jennifer] Ricky, hey
[Hypnotist] Yes? [Finger snap] [Jennifer] Can I-
[Hipnotist] yea, -with you
[Jennifer] no, no, no, wait, wait, wait [finger snap]
So if you've never had a change to [finger snap]
experience anything like this [finger snap]
I hope you come see me a lot [finger snap]
[Hypnotist]...
You can actually... [Jennifer] Ricky!
[Host] we're right in the middle of it I'm not only here in Atlanta but around the world [Jennifer] Ricky, ricky? Can you get- Can you get-
[Hypnotist] you can actually-, We're right in the middle- We're right in the middle-
What's going- [Hypnotist] it's ok, you're ok?
[Andy] My phone...
[Hypnotist] Ok So I'm here in ATLANTA- [Jennifer] Ricky?
[Hypnotist] -around the world, and I speak about it- [finger snap] [Jennifer] Ricky, ricky? I dont' know why
[Hypnotist] and the cool thing is, I don't only love entertaining and teaching- [finger snaps] -teaching people how to-
[finger snaps]
Are you ok? You alright? [Jennifer] yeah What the fuck is happening here, dude?! Is this a comedy routine? Because one guy sitting in a room looks confused, befuddled and possibly afraid because he's about to get [snap!]-Woo-hooed! Atlanta [cluck-snap-whistle!] Andy's phone is his shoe Sleep
[cluck-snap-whistle!] And every time I snap my fingers [cluck-snap-whistle!] She'll try an get my attention [Jennifer] Ricky, Ricky? Can you get- Can you get-
[Hypnotist] you can actually-, We're right in the middle- What's goin- What- What's that? I'm just doing this, uh go ahead I'm just- I'm just doing this [snap!] Uh- Hello?! [Snap!] No, this is a shoe [snap!] No [snap]-WOO-HOO! [Cluck-snap]-WOO-HOO! No, this is a shoe [stomp!] [Ethan Klein Cough ] I can't hear you,
I'm on a shoe right now, this isn't a real phone [stomp] [Ethan Klein Cough ] [stomp] [snap!] [Ethan Klein Cough ] [snap!] [Gagging] [stomp-snap!] And I am feeling veeeery relaxed I am feeling rejuvenated, I'm feeling relaxed I'm happy that was broadcast on national television. Thank you so much! Michael Scott the hypnotist, for bringing me on national television to pay me $5 to humiliate myself I'm feeling very relaxed Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go meditate some more Just leave it like that.
Hey, Andy? Yeah 3, 2, Sleep [cluck-snap-whistle!]
Relax way down. Hi Jennifer- Dude, If I'm her, I'm running
[snap!] Get out dude, you just saw it just happen to your friend.
You saw him collapse like a fucking corpse, man! It's coming for YOU. 3, 2, [Cluck-snap-whistle!]
Relax waaay back [snap! Snap!] ...OK. What's with the snaps after they pass out?!
[Snap! Snap!] [Snap! Snap!] She drops like a corpse and he gives her a couple of [snap! Snap!] These just to like- [snap! Snap!] You're mine now, bitch [snap! Snap!] When I shake their hand they won't
be able to speak to me in English They won't be able to speak at all in English.
They'll only speak in a language that does not EXIST. Okay When I let go of the hand they'll speak fine By the way, Andy, When I ask you what your name is, your name is now Ron Burgundy He's like- I feel like he's putting too much on their plate You're Ron Burgundy, you speak a
language that has not been existed, dude! A sound that has never been uttered in human language, by anyone that has every existed before May be a little too much on their plate, dude! Also, he's Ron Burgundy? [Clap!] Okay, dude!
Let's find out if Hypnostis is Whack or Real [Hypnotist] How are you guys feeling?
[Andy] I am still feeling-, I'm still pretty relaxed
[Jennifer] ...Good, yeah Andy, um, you know, thanks so much! By the way, um, how would you describe this to people listening and watching, how would you describe it? Uuuuum, It's aaaa-, really-, [laughs], ah-,
it's ah-, g-g-g-goood Okay I literally understood every word he
said: "it's a really good" it's a really good not a language I've ever heard before Here's a word maybe you've never heard before,
Mr.
Michael Scott, the Hypnotist Whack! This shit's Whaaa-ck! Right, anyway- Hi, How are you? How do you spell your name for me? Zhe- zhe-. Zhe-. Zhea, Zhane I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name earlier? Um, my name is R- ...Ron? Ron! Nice to meet you, Ron I didn't catch your last name [snap!] And I didn't catch your last name
[snap! Snap!Snap! Snap! Snap!] [Continuous snaps]
Let me jog your memory here? What's your last name? Uum... Kkk-, ppuhhh-, Buur-gundy? Oh, well great, and how would you describe this? [Andy laughs] ahhhh [laughing] , yeee-, yeaaah whatever!
I'm sorry- Yeah, whatever.
Lets move on, dude. You are fucking this up for me, guy on Craigslist I gave one day to prepare for this. You are fucking this shit up for me, daug I had everything riding on this interview [finger snap] Sorry. I didn't catch you name earlier.
This is Ron, have you guys met? Ye- Great, what was your name? Izh- zhhhe- ch- zhia- tria- zhhe- Jan and you remember; [snap!]
What is your name? [Coughs]
J-j-jennifer That's pretty awesome, isn't that cool? It's incredible! That's pretty awesome, isn't that cool? Isn't that so neat? Wasn't that just so neat? That was just so cool, wasn't that? Isn't hypnosis just so cool? So you-, you guys at home decide Was this real? Or was it Whack? Zhan and you remember; [snap!]
What is your name? [Coughs]
J-j-jennifer That's pretty awesome Ladies and Gentlemen at home,
Mr. CNN, Meme Theme Diss-er People at home in the audience I believe I've laid my case clear and wide [snap!] Is hypnosis real?
[Snap!] [Snap!]
You decide Yeah, and you're not sure what's
going do you? Yeah and 3, 2, sleep
[cluck-snap-whistle!] Relax waaay down, deep Hi, 3, 2, [cluck-snap-whistle!]
Relax way down alright, so just- He seems concerned.
I mean, he really genuinely seems concerned What is this, he's like, "Is this the direction CNN wants me to take this on?" So the key words that you used yes What if I say those words in an hour, are they back there? Let's find out I'm kidding, I'm kidding, it's not going to work like that! No, yeah I am a person Anyways, now a- I am a person This man has damaged my brain [snap!] Sleep! [Cluck!] [Whistle!] [ Nightmarish music ] try and get my attention his phone is his shoe [snap!] His phone is his shoe
[cluck-snap-whistle-MANIA] relax waaaay down I am a person [cluck!] Anyway... And now, I'd like to thank audible.Com
for sponsoring and supporting our show audible, if you don't know, is the biggest
provider of ebooks in the entire world and you can get a free trial for one
month by using our custom URL in the link below Now that Game of Thrones has started up again, I'd like to recommend one of my favorite series of all time obviously, Game of Thrones And if you have watched this series but not read the book.
I can tell you as someone who has started reading the book at season 3 That it is WELL worth it And I mean I started reading book 1 and I thought it was going to be repetitive and a waste of time but it wasn't at all and once I started reading it I was genuinely engrossed I did not stop reading until I was all the way caught up and audio book is -like- even BETTER. If you guys pick up this book at audible.Com/h3h3 You will not regret it thank you guys for watching
thank you to Audible for supporting our show we appreciate you guys we love ya and we'll be most certainly seeing you next time Bye-bye [Michelle Obama]
Wow, Ethan. Great Moves. Keep it Up.
Proud of You. Outro CNN Hitting Hard with the MEMES, DUDE!.
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